OK, local comics–I’ve got the skinny on a new paid gig. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you (well I don’t know actually–how many mushrooms did you eat?). But yeah, I did in fact write “paid.” Here’s the deal: Slainte Wine Bar & Lounge hosts an open mic comedy night every Thursday. If you’re a Portland comedian, you should know this already. If you’re a Portland comedian and don’t know this, you probably aren’t really a comedian. Anyway, what you may NOT know is that long-time host Brian Brinegar recently left his slot, which Paul Hunt then scooped right up. So while there’s a permenant new host at comedy night, Slainte still wants to give you a shot at glory. And by glory I mean introducing other drunk joke-stealing comics to the Slainte “stage” on these Thursday night shitshows.
Because I’ve only dated hyper-sensitive (read: crazy) guys in the last year, I’ve been accused of commitment phobia on more than one occasion, so I can appreciate the temporary nature of this competition. The winner only has to commit to four Thursday night hosting gigs for the month of September for a paid total of $200. You’ll get $50 after each Thursday night in September. Think of all the joke books you can buy with that money to write other comics’ jokes in and pass off as your own. Crazy, right? The actual contest goes down in August. Local comedians are invited to sign up for the competition on this Facebook wall or email SlainteWineBar@Hotmail.com (I know–hotmail? What is this 1999?). On August 2nd, the fine folks at Slainte will clue you in as to what date and time your slot is. If you aren’t signed up by Thursday, August 2nd at noon, you can get lost because you won’t be competing. I’ve also been informed that if too many broke comedians sign up, they reserve the right to limit slots, i.e. openly discriminate against you if they don’t like you and not let you compete. I kid, I kid. But seriously, here’s to hoping they don’t hate you.
The audience will decide the winners by casting a ballot each Thursday throughout August (on the 2nd, 9th, 16th, and 23rd), so definitely invite all your exes to be in the audience on the night you compete. Then on August 30th, four comics will fight to the death–or something like that. The “funniest” (last living) comic wins and will rule supreme Thursday nights for all of September. Also, they can be a substitute host in the event of Paul Hunt’s almost certain death. I say certain because comics are cattier and more blood thirsty than most Southern pageant moms. He really put himself in jeopardy when he assumed a role of power at Slainte.