The Maine Center for Disease Control has released a list of Portland Restaurant Inspections, and it ain’t pretty. Published yesterday in the Portland Press Herald, it’s a terrifying read, especially if you like your food cooked by an actual chef, not an assembly line.
According to the list, Dunkin Donuts is safe, as is Five Guys and Burger King. Fast food might still kill you, but it will do it slowly, through the belabored process of clogging your arteries and slowing your metabolism and making everything in your body turn to a disgusting, fatty sludge. However, it probably won’t give you food poisoning. Probably.
Want to know who got a big fat F on their report card? If you are a germaphobe who has ever referred to yourself as a “foodie,” maybe you should stop reading now (also, maybe you should reconsider your life choices, because you sound kind of awful). Everyone else, here’s the vicious breakdown: Miyake, Nosh, The Thirsty Pig, Petite Jacqueline, and Hugo’s all failed. Ottos failed, but passed on follow-up, as did Pai Men Miyake, Haggerty’s, and Tortilla Flats. However, the food reports are from September 18, which means many of these restaurants have probably cleaned up their act and passed on the second go-around.
Some of these may come as a surprise, but there’s one spot that was such an obvious fail: The Porthole. The Portland Press Herald reported on October 2 that the restaurant and comedy club has been closed indefinitely due to “numerous health code violations, including a rat infestation.”
But other than The Porthole’s furry friends, even the “failed” restaurants are still safe—which is why they’re still open, obviously. In the past few weeks, I’ve eaten at three of the failures, and every meal has been great. The only side effect from chowing down at Otto’s was a slight food coma, which was warded off with the help of caffeine. Anecdotal evidence, sure, but a quick office poll turned up not a single account (first or second-hand) of food poisoning.
The moral of this blog post? Eat wherever you feel like it. Except maybe steer clear of places with known rodent issues.
Update: At least you don’t have to worry about this!!! Yet, that is.
Image via Flickr/theimpulsivebuy