Dear Poptart,
So my friend drives around this older gentlemen. He’s a stroke victim and he’s very rich. He saw a picture of me and told my friend that if I’ll be his girlfriend for a week, he’d pay for us to go on a cruise and buy me a BMW. I have never in my life done anything like this but a BMW is pretty tempting. Also, my friend really wants the cruise. Is it totally wrong if I accept this offer?
Signed,
Reluctant Sugar Baby
Dear Reluctant,
Is it totally wrong if I accept this offer? Don’t ever ask me for moral judgments again. I am not your moral compass. My name is Poptart for Pete’s sake. If you’re asking what I would do in your situation, here’s my answer: if being his “girlfriend” entails sex or anything remotely sexual, then no. God no. I would not sleep with an old stroke victim for a cruise and a BMW. Why not? Because cruises, my dear, are trashy as hell and driving is for sober people so no thanks on the BMW. Plus, you live in Maine. What do you need a luxury vehicle for, anyway? Can’t you just hitch a ride on your neighbor’s ATV or something?
If being his girlfriend means spoon feeding the guy caviar (is that what old rich people eat?) and serving as arm candy at fancy galas, then I say sure. Go nuts. If you’ve really got your eye on that car, in the grand scheme of things, it’s only a week and as long as you don’t have to see old man bits, no harm, no foul. Except your sense of self might be a little skewed afterward. But hey, isn’t that what youth is for?
But more importantly, let’s talk about your “friend” for a second. This girl is legitimately pimping you out to an old pervert so she can mow on cruise buffets and get an STD in their cess pool hot tubs. Tell her to aim a little higher next time she makes a Pretty Woman out of you. A trip to France. A personal jet, or something. A cruise? Dear Lord.
Hope this helps. Enjoy your BMW and caviar.
XOXO,
Poptart
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