Dear Poptart,
My boyfriend is a very private person and I often feel shut-out of his world because of it. He has become more open over time, but there are still a lot of things he hides from me. I’m not worried about him cheating or anything like that, he is just a private person by nature. Is it my place to try to get him to open up more?
Signed,
Knock, Knock, Knocking on Boyfriend’s Door
Dear Dexter’s Girlfriend,
I don’t want to alarm you, but your man might be a serial killer. I’m only saying that because you haven’t given me a ton of information to make a solid conclusion. All I know is that he’s a super private person but he isn’t cheating on you…sounds like Dexter.
Here’s the good news: Dexter is super hot, so there’s that. But in all seriousness, it sucks to feel shut-out. While people may be able to “open up” as time goes by, I think it’s hard to change ourselves entirely, so you should consider the fact he may never be a “let’s talk about everything I had to eat today” kind of boyfriend. Maybe you don’t want that either, but you still feel bugged out about all his secrecy, in which case you should ask yourself if you can happily have a relationship with someone you view as “closed off?” Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean you have to share every little (homicidal) thought that crops up in the ol’ noggin. I really do think everyone’s entitled to some privacy, but being in a relationship does constitute a fair amount of openness between partners. Because I’m unsure of just how “private” your boyfriend is being, I can’t say for certain if you need to alert the authorities and maybe have his basement searched for blood spatter—or if you need to just stop bothering him and let him shit with the door closed every once in a while.
My suggestion is to be honest. I don’t know if it’s your place to “change him” per se, but you are part of this relationship so it is your place to tell him how you’re feeling. If he really is a private person by nature then try not to make him feel bad about his introverted nature. Just tell him how you’re feeling, that you want more openness. You may not get the results you want. Dude might peace out. Or he may be totally down with that. But if you don’t speak up, then you’re not being very open either, right? Telling him what’s up then listening to his response could help you figure out if this is the type of guy you can be with.
Good luck…don’t get murdered.
XOXO,
Poptart
Drop some knowledge.